Wednesday, August 29, 2012

And then came Kambria

The Doctor advised us to wait 6 months after losing Hope, before getting pregnant again. We decided to wait 7 months, because Hope's original due date was September, and I didn't want to be due in September again, and so if we waited the 1 extra month, then our baby would be due in October. So that was the plan, but I was not sure how I would feel. 
Journal Entry from December 6, 2002 
 "Yesterday was 6 months - kinda hard - ok, really hard. I miss her (Hope). I can't believe its been 6 months. It goes by so fast. I'm really nervous about my next pregnancy, but in a way, I know everything will be fine. And that scares me because it's like I'm not preparing myself for the 1 in 4 chance that it won't be ok, but I won't be able to handle having to bury another baby. The Lord knows what I can and can not handle, so I should be fine. I love Chet with all of my heart. I know that I would not have made it this far without him. He's my everything and I'm so blessed to be his wife."
February 2003 we found out that I was pregnant and due in October. We were happy, but nervous and a little scared. We had to wait until the end of May to have our ultrasound to find out if the baby was healthy. Finally the day arrived and when the Doctor told us that SHE was HEALTHY, I literally felt a weight being lifted off of my shoulders and a huge sense of relief and JOY. I had heard that phrase a lot, but had never experienced it until that day, and haven't since. I felt like I was walking on clouds the rest of the day and week. I was SO happy, but still scared and sad.
Journal Entry from June 28, 2003
"I'm pregnant and due October 27th. We recently found out that our baby girl is healthy. What a huge blessing of joy and relief. And yet it doesn't take the pain away of losing Hope. It's now been over a year ago, but the pain is still like it happened yesterday. I'm so happy that we will soon be bringing home a healthy baby girl, and yet I feel scared and sad."
Looking back now, I can see that I was scared that Hope was going to think that I was trying to replace her. I wasn't trying to replace her. I was scared that people were going to think that. I didn't want anyone to think that I was trying to replace her. We were just ready to keep adding to our family.
Kambria aka Bree, arrived 2 days early on October 25th 2003. She was a beautiful baby. Chet and I had so much fun with her. Chet dove right into being a father and changed more diapers her first week than I did! I was able to stay home with her for her first year and I loved every minute of it!
Journal Entry from September 17, 2004
"Bree is almost 11 months old now. She is SO much fun, she's nuts, constantly moving, VERY ACTIVE, but so much fun - she has quite the personality. She even has a little temper, but when she laughs, the whole world stops and your heart melts and you'll do any crazy thing again to make her laugh again. I love her so much, she is such a bright spot in my life. She keeps me moving :)"
From that age until about 2 1/2 anywhere we would go, people would ask us - "Is she always this active?" Yes, she was always that active! She wore me out! Luckily I had Chet to help me.
Journal Entry from August 30, 2005
"I was talking to someone today about how good of a father Chet is. It really does amaze me still how great he is with Bree. She absolutely adores him. He's a very hands-on kind of dad, and I'm so grateful and blessed to have him."
Bree is the best helper and best big sister. She makes my life easier, she makes Dayson and Layla's life more fun and she is still Daddy's girl. She is very sweet, and in tune with how others around her feel and she can still be VERY active, but she can also be calm and serious if need be. She loves school, she loves food, she loves cheer, she loves clothes, she loves dance, she loves to sing, she loves to help in the kitchen, she loves to go anywhere with Chet, and she just basically loves life! Our family really needed her to come when she did and how she came. She is the perfect fit.

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