Monday, April 22, 2013
Dayson had his normal CF doctor visit today that he has every three months. I told Chet a few days ago how worried I was about him because I noticed him breathing fast and shallow and he still had a yucky cough, and his appetite was not what it normally is. So, I told Chet that we both needed to be at this appointment - it's hard on us because they are usually 3 hours long. Sure enough, his lung function dropped - there are two numbers and I don't understand them but in January they were both about 100 and today one was a 50 and the other was a 40. Not good. He also lost 4 pounds since his last visit in January, also, not good. So the plan is to be in the hospital for 10-14 days doing IV antibiotics and 4 treatments a day and eating as many calories as possible. I've been so afraid of the hospital, but today I felt like it was a must and had to happen so that he can get back to feeling good and get his energy back. We were at the doctor appointment until 5 and came home to get his stuff packed and to feed him dinner and then Chet and his brother Bevin gave him a blessing and then Chet took him up to UMC tonight so that they can start the PICC line first thing in the morning. My parents came into town to watch Layla and Bree, so I will be able to spend every day with Dayson. Chet is staying with him tonight and then I'll stay with him tomorrow night and so on and so forth. This is a new experience for us, but it is necessary and I feel like it is the best thing for him. I'm exhausted. Good night!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
On March 25th I had a Doctors appointment and told them that day that we decided on Embryo 4. So a week later on April 1st we did the Embryo Transfer and the Doctor said it went well. I continued my medication and just had to wait for the blood pregnancy test on April 12th. April 12th finally came and the results from the blood test was that I was pregnant but the pregnancy hormone level was at a 22 and they would have liked it to be at a 50, so she said there was a chance I may bleed over the weekend and that would be a sign of not a viable pregnancy, and that I was to do another blood test on Monday and we would find out the results Tuesday (today). The doctor called me this morning and told me the results from the blood test was that the level had dropped down to a 5, so I would miscarry. I couldn't hold the tears back when I was talking to him. I feel so bad that he has to give bad news to people like me who want a healthy baby. He was very sweet and sympathetic and he told me to call later. I cried and cried. I cried thinking about having to tell Chet and everyone else. We knew that Embryo 4 was a boy. It makes it more real and I'm still really sad. I told Chet and we both felt bad that we were not together to hold each other. Bad timing. I mustered the strength to text as many people as I could and cried at nearly every response. I talked to my mom and dad and we all cried together. But as the day went on it was clear to me that this is His plan and it just wasn't meant to be. We still have Embryo 1 that we will try - not sure when yet, but I'm hopeful that it will work next time. I'm grateful to have another chance. I'm grateful to have such amazing friends and family. I'm so grateful for my 3 kids that keep me going every day. I'm grateful that I have the best mother-in-law in the world. We have been remodeling our house and with all the dust and mess I had to send Dayson to her for a week up in Alpine in the fresh air. He hasn't been feeling good and has a cough and has lost some weight. I am so worried about that kid, and I was on the brink of a breakdown before I sent him up there. I felt so much better knowing that he was getting taken care of by Grandma. While he was away, he threw up a lot of mucus. He felt much better after. I feel like right now I need to be focused on him. I worry about that kid every single day. He reminds me every day how fragile life is and what really matters in life. He can be such a sweet boy and then such a punk too! Keeps us on our toes :) I missed him so much and I am so glad he is home. I am also grateful for volleyball - I love that I can go and play for 2 hours and not think about anything but having fun and getting exercise. Again, thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. I'm very blessed!!