Hero

Some have you have been sweet enough to comment on how amazing you think I am for having to go through the things I have gone through and still have a smile on my face. I appreciate it, I really do. But that hasn't always been the case and the true hero of all of this is my amazing husband. Last week was 9/11. We feel the same way as most Americans, that we are proud to be an American and will never forget that horrible day. But 9/11 for our family is also the anniversary of the death of Chet's dad Merlin, only in 1998, 14 years ago. In my story about our baby Hope, I left out a major part of the story, and I apologize to Chet for this. In the 4 weeks that we had to prepare for our baby's death, we needed to decide where to bury her. At the time, we were living in Gilbert, and as most of you know, I had every intention to stay in the Phoenix area for the rest of our lives. Chet had just had to bury his dad 4 years prior to having to bury his baby girl. He had expressed to me that he wanted to bury her in Pomerene Cemetery next to his dad. At first I did not want to do that, only for selfish reasons, I wanted to find a cemetery in the Phoenix area, so I could be close to her. I took the matter to my mom and luckily, as most of you know, I have an amazing mother and she could see the things that I was blind to. She showed me through her kind and gentle words how blessed we were to be able to lay to rest our baby next to a close family member and that she would be watched over by him. I knew that she was right. I then told Chet that yes, we should bury her next to his dad. He wasn't sure why I had a change of heart, but he didn't argue or ask questions, he was happy I could finally see that this was very important to him. Chet's hero is his dad, and unfortunately for me, I was never able to meet him. I met Chet 15 months after he passed away. Now that I've been in the family for over 11 years, I feel like I have a good sense of what kind of man Merlin was. I'm grateful every day for how amazing he must have been, because I was blessed/lucky enough to marry one of his 8 amazing children. I know that Chet is an amazing person because of the parents he has. I know that Chet and his brothers try every day to be more like him and to try to honor him in how they live their lives. I know that Chet's sisters are also the amazing people they are because of him and try to live a life he would be proud of. Last week in honor of their dad, Kristy, Bevin, Kelly, Stacy and Chet were able to spend time together and just be with each other. I don't know the pain of losing a parent yet, and hopefully I won't know that pain for a long time. But my heart aches for Chet and his family for losing their dad way before they should have. I was talking to a friend last week about how Chet had to go and is going through everything that I went through and is going through, but he had to deal with a crazy wife on top of it. I say crazy, but truly I mean mentally ill. I had depression through a lot of our first 8 years of marriage, and when I am depressed everything is Chet's fault (in my eyes, of course). When I am depressed, I focus on all the negative in the world, in my life and in Chet. That is not a way to live! He stayed true to me through it all and he was my rock that helped me fight my way out of it. We have not had a perfect marriage, and as Chet said about his dad "I'm sure he had his flaws, but a perfect hero in my eyes." I say that about Chet. Yes he does have a few flaws, but to me he is perfect and I will take his flaws over most people's flaws! He truly has a heart of gold and loves very deep. In the first 8 years of our marriage, I drug him to 3 different marriage counselors and talked to him until I was blue in the face. I feel like I truly fought for our marriage. And he fought along side me. Again we don't have a perfect marriage, but we are both very happy and we have learned the right way to communicate. We also agree that counseling is very beneficial and everyone should go at some point in their lives - which is not what Chet believed 11 years ago! Let me point out that I'm far from perfect and have way more flaws than Chet. We have had to have some very emotional conversations, mainly because sometimes, I truly am an emotional wreck. But I can honestly say in the last 3 years, we've never been happier and we get closer every day. He is my life. He is my rock. I would not be here today without him. My honest to goodness biggest fear is losing him. He knows my heart and soul and knows that I love him more than anything else in the whole world. I know his heart and soul and know that he loves me too. Chet cares deeply for others and when someone hurts him he is still the one that says turn the other cheek. I'm trying to learn that! He is calm and is slow to anger. I'm a firecracker and quick to anger. We balance each other. He is the hardest working person I know. He is the best dad in the world and he loves spending time with his kids. His kids LOVE him and get so excited when he gets home from work. He makes our lives brighter. He is my hero for all of these reasons plus many more!